


When the Feeling Sinks In

by LittleLadyBigDreamer



Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, My First Fanfic, Post 2.07, also Eve and Jake sibling-y stuff, also fluffy, kinda angsty, much evlynn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 09:22:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5411495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLadyBigDreamer/pseuds/LittleLadyBigDreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eve's thoughts after she looks at the photos of her and Flynn. Picks up from the end of 2.07</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When the Feeling Sinks In

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote a thing! The end of 2.07 really got me and this happened. Thanks a huge amount to my best friend @kez06 for being my beta and answering a million questions and for giving me the confidence to actual give my writing to someone else. Also to @kingdomkeepers365 on Tumblr for blogging about the song which gave me all the feels and was inspiration for writing this. I hope you like it!

Eve stared at the photograph, still lost in thought, mulling over Jenkins' words. He'd called her Eve. That's who was in that photo. Just Eve. Her eyes were drawn to the man standing next to her in the photo, big dopey eyes, big dopey grin. Flynn. Her heart warmed and fluttered all at the same time and she couldn't help the smile that formed just looking at her Librarian. Whether or not she could still call him 'hers' was another matter. But it wasn't like she didn't want him to be hers, she was just angry and hurting and she was tired of hurting. Her focus drifted to her own smile in the photo. She gave a soft laugh, recognising that she too had a big dopey grin on her face. She couldn't help it he did that to her, even when she was supposed to be mad at him for throwing himself into danger or completely ignoring anything she said that included the words 'plan' or 'safety'. All he'd have to do was put on his Bambi eyes or attempt an apology which mostly involved spluttering and stumbling over his words. Most of the time she didn't even realise she was doing it which might explain why she couldn't ignore the ache in her heart or the niggling at the back of her mind right now, or any time he wasn't there. She sighed and walked over to get her coat before writing a quick note about getting an early night and setting the back door to her apartment.

It wasn't that far and she usually walked but she didn't want to be left alone with her thoughts for too long, hoped she could settle down and get some much needed sleep, after all she had jumped off a building earlier. What she was less willing to admit was that in the bitter December cold all she'd want, and all she'd remember would be snuggling close to Flynn as they returned from a rare and normal evening out, his arms wrapped tightly around her, her face burrowing itself in his neck. Vanilla and books and warmth. That's what he smelt like and for some reason it always calmed her. She usually busied herself in the familiarity of her work where she felt she had some control and structure, and her thoughts were often drowned out by Cassie's mumbling, Stone and Jones arguing or Jenkins expressing his general distress and annoyance at their existence. But since the boys had taken over looking after Cassandra (her being the one thing that usually stopped their bickering) and Jenkins had returned to his lab after their pep talk, it was too quiet. 

She entered her apartment, shutting out the cold and clearing away the junk mail that was nestled by the door. Sometimes she forgot that normal things like junk mail happened. She glanced up and surveyed the apartment, practically seeing the tumble weed roll by. She was used to this, this was no different from her apartment when she’d return from ricocheting about the world with NATO and she was fine then. Okay maybe not completely fine but she dealt with it. So why did it feel so uncomfortable now? Why was her apartment suddenly a metaphor for how she was feeling and why was she suddenly sounding like high school English paper? She sighed once more and walked towards her bedroom. Not being able to withstand the silence she switched on the radio that combined as an extra alarm clock. She usually used her phone but occasionally set two if she had to be somewhere important, although recently it had more to do with the fact that Flynn had an unhealthy and annoying habit of reaching under her pillow and snoozing their alarm one too many times, making them 'late' by her standards. 

Her mind drifted to how warm she always felt laying at his side, tucked up next to him, and not just because the man was a human radiator. She thought back to the first time he'd stayed over, initially on the couch after they'd talked into the night and she insisted it was too late for him to go back to an essentially empty Annex....until an hour later when she heard a bang...and again sometime after that followed by a cry of "ow dammit!" Once she'd made her way to the living room, following the sound of incoherent muttering, and found Flynn twisted in a heap of blankets in a chaotic fashion she’d convinced him to come into her bed stating that they were both adults and were simply sharing a bed, attempting to convince them both and diffuse the tension. They'd woken up tangled with each other, limbs entwined, Eve's head resting against his chest, Flynn's arms protectively at her waist. Neither one of them moved for a while, the tension and awkwardness from the previous night replaced with warmth and comfort and safety. It felt right, like they were exactly where they belonged and Eve knew from that moment that she never wanted to wake up without him. 

Clearly things had changed and once again she had to deal with it. She pushed the memory aside, turned up the volume of the station currently playing every Christmas song known to the Western world and made her way towards the bathroom. The hot water was comforting and relaxed her as it trailed down her body, steaming up the cubicle, not that she noticed after a while, her mind once again being taken over by the memories her heart could not cast aside. Annoyed at herself for letting her emotions continually get the better of her she hastily switched off the shower and swiftly reached for her towel before the cold air pricked her skin. She was doing fine until she heard the beat of drums and strumming of a guitar as a Vince Vance ballad travelled across the room already doing something to her heart which she could neither explain nor ignore. She continued getting ready and preparing for bed until she heard the words _all I want for Christmas is you_ resonate from the track and she suddenly felt more deflated than she had all evening. She leaned back against the headboard, curling up as she pulled the duvet up around her and found herself listening intently as emotion continued to sweep through her. 

_All that I want, can't be found underneath the Christmas tree_

She closed her eyes and tilted back her head, feeling her throat close up, an unfamiliar need for comfort, scent and warmth washing over her. 

_Santa can't bring me what I need_

She laughed softly once again, recalling her previous and first Christmas as a Guardian, taking on the role of...Santa and finally finding a safe and happy place for Christmas. Cassandra had remarked that it was too bad she hadn't made a wish because it would have come true that night. But it did. No one needed to know that she'd secretly made a second wish which had also come true. She wanted to see Flynn, and the next week he had arrived shouting about dragons, looking like he'd stepped out of Moby Dick. It was that same day he'd pulled her in for a kiss that seemed to stop both her heart and time...only to leave again. At least that time she'd told him to go, they'd agreed and she understood why he'd gone. Not this time. This time was different. 

_Cause all I want for Christmas is you_

The words and the musical interlude that followed tugged at her heart and every feeling she had for Flynn, and she stopped being Col. Baird and the Guardian and allowed herself to be the woman who had fallen for an incredible, adorable dork, and was now hurting because of it. She let the first tear that she'd been holding back fall down her cheek and the rest followed out of her control. She just missed him. 

As the last few bars of the song played out Eve turned the dial and switched off the radio, sniffling as she did. She scrunched up her eyes and rubbed them, attempting to both wipe the tears and stop new ones from forming, to no avail. She curled up into a ball under her duvet hoping sleep would capture her and that for a second she would stop hurting, and she managed to settle enough to steady her breathing. Just as she managed to get comfortable there was a knock at her door. Eve furrowed her eyebrows. _Who the hell was that? At this time? At her place?_ She threw back the covers, rubbed her eyes and made her way towards the door with some hope in her heart that maybe, just maybe it was him. She looked through the peep hole and with a sigh opened the door.


	2. I Don't Want to Miss You Like This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! I needed her to just allow herself to be hurt a little bit and if there's anyone I feel she could do that around it's our loveable cowboy. I still don't know if I'm totally comfortable with the characterisation but I'll leave you to decide :)

"Stone?" she questioned in a surprised yet friendly tone. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey, I uh...I just wanted to check on ya. Saw your note and uh, well you don’t really leave us if we're sick or anythin'...just figured you might not be okay yourself. Mean you did jump off a buildin' today" 

She laughed at his remark, identical to her own from earlier. "Yeah...long day. How is Cassandra?" she said, moving away from the door to allow him to walk into her apartment.

"Better. Well, she's asleep but she's not throwin' up so that's a good thing" 

Eve smiled and replied "good...that's good. At least she’s experienced it now. I'm sorry I left her. I wouldn't have done but..." she trailed off.

"...long day" Jacob repeated.

She nodded. "Hey, you want a drink or anything?" she asked, moving over to where the kettle was situated as she spoke. 

"Eve" Jake started. "I also wanted to give you these...ya left them out in the Annex. Figured you'd want 'em back" he stated as she spun around to face him. In his hands were the photos she'd been looking at earlier. _Oh god._ She'd been so concerned with getting out of there, out of the silence, away from so many things that reminded her of him that she'd completely forgotten to pick up the things that had stirred her feelings and memories of him in the first place. 

"Oh. Um...th-thank you", she took a step forward and reached out to retrieve them, placing them on the counter and stealing a quick glance at the first one as she did. Ouch. There it was again. That surge of emotions that knocked down all of her defences. Jake was concerned when he saw the note back at the Annex, and that only grew when he found the photos laid out on the desk she and Flynn shared. His fears were not much relieved when she opened the door and he saw her eyes were red and puffy, her face and stature a particular kind of weary, even for someone who had jumped off a building. He was especially worried because he cared about Eve. Well, he’d come to care for all of them, they were a new family for him, people he could be himself around and he loved that they allowed him to be that almost more than he loved being it. But he'd struck up a particular bond with Eve. They had a lot in common and their relationship was the closest thing he had to both a really good friend and a sibling outside his actual family. So when he knew how she must be hurting he couldn't just let her stay that way. Especially not alone. 

"Y'okay?" he asked, not wanting to ask anything outright. 

"Yeah" she replied quietly as she nodded. 

They were both silent for a while, only the humming of the refrigerator intruding their thoughts. "I..uh. I guess I'll..." Jake mumbled as he pointed towards the door. He wanted to be there for her, he didn't want her hurting, but he didn't want to push her into talking about anything she didn't want or wasn't ready to talk about. 

As he turned around to leave she whispered "I miss him." Jake turned back around to look at her, her eyes still fixating on the floor. She looked so lost.

"So much", she continued. "I didn't even want him to leave. I just let him go and he thinks I don't want him and that I don't care", her voice was breaking as the words tumbled out of her mouth, "and now he's out there and he's all alone and I-" she broke off as her tears rose once again and overtook her. She hid her face with her hands and cried softly into them and Jake's heart broke slightly as he tried and failed to remember the last time he'd seen someone this broken. 

"Oh Eve" he said quietly, as he walked across the room and just pulled her into a hug. She let him just hold her and dropped her head on his shoulders as the tears continued to fall down her cheeks. After a while they walked over to her living room and sat down on the couch, and Jake gave her a tissue from their place on her coffee table (one of the few pieces of furniture she owned). 

"Thanks" she sniffed as she pulled her legs up and crossed them, Jake sitting across from her. "And sorry...I didn't mean to just start spilling all of this on you"

"Hey don't worry 'bout it. Honestly? It's the reason I came over in the first place. Whatever you're feelin', whenever. I'm here to listen if y’need me. Got it?" he said as he looked up at her with a kind and honest look in his eyes. 

"Thank you." She wiped her eyes and sniffed again. "I don't even know why I'm so upset. I was fine, I've been fine", both annoyed and perplexed at her behaviour. "I just saw the photo and he was there and so was I and we looked so happy"

"You did" Jake nodded in agreement. "But y’know, you can't be strong all the time. Not even Col. Baird. It's probably _because_ you were fine that tonight you're...not."

"That's just it though. I'm not. When I'm with Flynn I'm not Col. Baird, I'm not even a Guardian all the time I'm just...me" she trailed off softly. "I'm Eve" she sighed. "I don't even realise it. Jenkins said something to me earlier about images and identity being two different things. When I looked at that photo I saw myself more than anything and Flynn is part of my identity. I know who I am with him, I'm just me. Do you know how long it's been since I felt that way? I'd almost forgotten. But then he falls into my life and everything's different", she remarked, laughing softly and shaking her head slightly as she recalled their first meeting. "Now he's not here it doesn't feel right. I can't stop feeling like a part of me is missing. I think that part is him." She scrunched up her face and mumbled "that sounds cheesy doesn't it?"

Jake laughed faintly and smiled, replying "No. It's sweet actually"

"Oh god that's even worse!" Eve murmured, covering her face with her hands once again, this time out of embarrassment. 

"Hey c'mon now, I thought I was talkin' to 'just Eve' here." he said, hitting her lightly on the arm. "Don't be embarrassed."

She gave him a light smile before raising her head and gazing into the space ahead of her, a faraway look on her face. "You know, with my career I've been all over the world, seen so many places and met so many different people. But the three months Flynn and I were together were the best I've ever had. I've had to take on so many roles and be so many people, but who I am when I'm with Flynn...I like her best. Those three months we were inseparable. I guess I've only just realised that he's not here an- ...and I don't want to be without him, I've never needed anyone but...Flynn" she sighed, frowning, "there's a part of me that has no idea how to...to...be when he's not around. What the hell is that about?!” she said raising her voice slightly, half annoyed, half confused. 

"Seems to me you got a chance of happiness. More than that, you got a chance of happiness while being able to completely be yourself. Take it, Eve. Grab it with both hands and don't ever let go." 

"But I did! I let him go and I didn't even want him to. I just said it because I was mad and I knew he needed to go anyway, that just what he's used to but I didn't mean it. I hate when he leaves." Eve could feel her throat closing up again and the tears creeping up in the corner of her eyes. _Dammit._ She was trying hard not to cry in front of Jake but all she could visualise was their last meeting. Their goodbye. The way she'd turned around, not sure of exactly what she was going to say, only to see he'd gone. Again. Her eyes filled up even more, now more with resentment for herself. _God why had she let him leave?! And without even telling him to come back alive!_

"I almost lost him once. That was bad enough and I'd only known him a few days. Now..." She gave up fighting it and let the tears fall fast and hard once more, breath short and fast, chest rising rapidly as her body shook, feeling like someone had reached into her chest and was tugging on her heart and there was nothing she could do to stop it. "Every time he walks out the door..." she whispered between heavy sobs, before pulling in her knees and dropping her head against them. Jake's heart fell as he watched possibly the strongest woman he'd ever known _(bar his momma if anyone badmouthed her babies)_ tumble like a house of cards. He moved closer to her and pulled her close to him, wrapping his arm around her, letting her head fall against his shoulder. He held her tighter as he felt her body tremor, her breathing chaotic as she choked on heartbreak.

"Shhh. S'okay. It'll be alright" he whispered as he stroked her hair. "He'll be home soon. S'alright darlin'" He stayed holding her for a while until her breathing returned to normal, sniffling every now and then. They sat in silence once more for a while until Jake plucked up the courage to ask "can I give you some advice?"

"Sure" she said, nodding slightly.

"You need to tell him, Eve. You need to tell him everything you told me. You need to work out what you are and where you both stand. Properly. You're never in the same place long enough to talk to each other. I know it's not really my place to say and I don't really know a lot about the two of you as a couple but...you guys have a good thing goin' here. We can all see it."

"Soooo... everybody knows?"

"Yup" he nodded in reply. _Great. She'd been hoping if she didn't know for sure she could pretend none of them knew about her and Flynn and it wouldn't be awkward for any of them._

She sighed quietly and said "I'll tell him. Or I'll try at least" _She'd never been good at telling people how she felt about them. But this was Flynn. She'd break all her rules for Flynn._

"Good" the voice above her replied. "Cause I know if someone as incredible as you liked me as much as you like Flynn...I'd wanna know 'bout it"

She giggled softly, "Like? What are we, 10?" She felt his chest puff out for a second as he laughed at the remark.

"Well...I- I din't wanna label your feelins. But since we're on the topic....you like him right?"

This time she laughed a little louder "of course I like him!"

The grin on Jacob's face grew as she laughed "yeah but do you just really like him or do you _like him_ like him?"

Eve rolled her eyes before hiding her face in his shoulder and mumbling something. "Hmm? What was that?"

She sighed again and opened one eye, squinting up to him as she repeated "I _really really like him_ like him", before burying her head back down in embarrassment. 

"Well!" he laughed "That means Jones owes me twenty bucks" 

"What?!" Eve cried in alarm.

"I'm kiddin', Im 'kiddin! Besides...if I had to bet money on you and Flynn it'd be a lot more than twenty" he said gently, squeezing her arm a little as he did. She smiled and her heart warmed a little. 

"Got a lot of faith in us" 

"I do. So should you. Plus, it's my guess that he ' _really really likes you_ likes you' too" replied Jake, smirking slightly. Jake felt her shoulders move as she laughed in response and smiled. _Good._ They continued to sit for a while with Jake's arm still protectively wrapped around her. After a while noticed that she'd stopped sniffling and her breathing had become deeper and heavier. He looked down and saw it was because she'd fallen asleep, her face still stained with tears. He lifted her off his chest, separating them slightly, moving his arm to support her head and laid her down on the pillow at the end of the couch. Reaching to the space between the wall and the couch where he knew she kept the blankets he pulled one out and laid it on top of her, tucking it all around her when she moved to get comfortable. He watched her for a minute, glad she could finally get some rest then kissed her hairline and whispered "g'night darlin'", before leaving to get some much needed sleep himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. As usual any opinions/kudos' are appreciated :)

**Author's Note:**

> There it is! First chapter. The second one is done so I'll post it in a couple days probably. Tell me what you think, whether you like it or think I should never write again, anything. Kudos', comments and the like will be much appreciated :)


End file.
